I've never seen the miracle of birth first hand. And I don't think that's an accident. Word on the street is that birth is gross and messy. Considering kids aren't my favorite - I don't think it's a co-inky dink that I've missed out on the birthing process.
Enter: My Job.
I work at a large animal vet clinic. All horses, all the time. With the occasional donkey, mule, pig, mini horse thrown in. I've seen a lot of cool stuff. But I was wholly unprepared for the birth.
It happened on a Saturday afternoon. I work alone on Saturdays, assisting the doctor who is on call. A mare had been struggling for a few days. She was ready to give birth, the little monster inside her didn't want to come out. What to do? The doctor decided to induce, which is pretty rare in the large animal world. Before the dirty deed went down, I pulled the doctor aside and told him I was a little nervous. I'd never done anything like this... ever. His calming words: "Me neither."
He gave the horse a shot and within 20 minutes the action began. When the baby horse's front legs were visible, the doctor wrapped some chains around them so we could pull. Don't worry - this doesn't hurt the baby horse and it's totally standard. His final words were, "You might want to put some exam gloves on."
I slapped my gloves on and we grabbed some legs and started pulling. After a couple minutes I was in the position to catch the baby before it fell to the ground. (FYI- It's best and easiest if the mare stays on her feet.) The doctor said, "The baby's coming! Are you going to catch him?" Me - "YES, I'm going to catch him!" And I did! He came tumbling down and I caught him and helped him land gently on the ground.
I haven't mentioned how completely disgusting this process is. The whole time we are pulling, the mare is spewing baby goo all over us and pooping everywhere! I know you can't control yourself but I don't need poo down my scrub top. When the whole thing was over I had to change clothes because I was THAT disgusting. Eww.
The baby stayed in the hospital a few days because he was a little bit sickly. I made his butt get up and nurse because I felt a small kinship with him. I helped him come into this world and no child of mine is going to be an underachiever dammit!
Final word - The baby is doing great. He eventually kicked us so many times that we sent him home happy and healthy.
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